Re: Don't you feel alive?[[open]]

[minnowtail]

[atrb=border,0,false][bg=9eb2b4] It was either life as its finest, or just pure hell. The in-between might as well be a subgroup for hell, since it didn't exactly meet any sort of merriment. It was day and night, no twilight, and the sun rose and the sun set, and the sky got light and then it got dark... the world was a giant wheel, rolling and rolling, maybe quivering from the material at which the wheel was built with, but nothing more. Minnowpaw stared vacantly at the entrance to the Apprentices den, her left paw curled delicately over her paler, mauve gem; her claws silhouettes against dawns rays, though, they were really just white. White light. She retracted them and unsheathed them a couple times over, blinking, and listening to the mingled sound of her heartbeat and escaping breaths working in unison. She felt like such a screw up after the recent border scrap. It was like she didn't have the will to control her anger, or ignore the annoying taunts. That WindClan apprentice got what she deserved! Her physical pain had better be equal to the embarrassment and emotional pain that Minnowpaw felt, just being near her. Within earshot; she'd wanted to kill her. Her pretty silver form lay there for a long while, and she would have been completely still, if not for the ba-thump movement her body made in sync with her pulse. Why were WindClan and RiverClan so furious with eachother? Was it Minnowpaw now? Had she caused that? She looked deep within herself, prodding her conscience for an earnest reply, it usually hit things right on the nail... ba-thump ba-thump... Palpitating. No, not you. A tiny, whispy voice crooned. She didn't remember closing her eyes to begin with, but it'd been apparent that she had, and when she opened them to scan the den again, and for the last time, a sigh escaped her nostrils. It was soft. Almost tear-struck. There couldn't have been anyone here who could understand her shame, and her regret; if she had known better, instead of being so stubborn, maybe... maybe things would be better. For everyone. There was a moment where she sympathized with Caramelpaw, because she understood her. But it passed, and Minnowpaw rose to her feet, stretching her forepaws outwards. Ears flicked back, and her jowls split into a eclectic yawn; pearly whites visible, but not engaging this time. Like her name suggests, she slid through the opening and the first light exploded everywhere, surrounding the little apprentice like her mothers once warm pelt, and the nursery walls... she expected a cool gust, but the air was still. Like an unmoving pool, it just sat there and was. Not expecting anyone to be awake so early besides her, she was surprised to see the looming figure of Cougarkit and Onyxkit's mother, Shadowclaw, slinking about across the clearing. Seeing her crippled leg, Minnowpaw felt a twinge of sympathy. She must have felt alone in the whole Clan, being crippled like that... though... Minnowpaw didn't doubt the strength of her claws still, a queen was nothing to underestimate, be it their wisdom, or their ferocity. Her little pawsteps came gently; hardly clacking over the smooth, worn ground. She observed from her shifting distance what the tabby was doing, she was pushing a pebble onwards. Her words were heard, but only in an unclear string. "Morning Shadowclaw..." she mumbled politely, trying to mind her manners. It was weird being in the presence of a mother... especially her best friends. Cougarkit's mother, that is... Minnowpaw had almost forgotten that feeling. Mother. Hers was dead. What else was new? 604

[shadowclaw]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,400,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true]

[bg=000000] Shadowclaw's tail flicked in annoyance again at her leg and loss of memory. If she had the strength to kill someone or something, she would. It enraged her - being a cripple. Being... useless. It was a very angering ordeal. Closing her pale green eyes, the dark silver tabby now sat down, keeping her short crippled leg out to the side, seeing as that was the only way she could sit. Did she jump on purpose? Was she pushed? Did she have family? She had barely relearned the names of everyone in the Clan. All she knew was that she was good friends with Silvercreek beforehand, but she hadn't talked to Silvercreek since she left Smallclaw. Another reminder of how useless she was in her Clan. Nobody loved a cripple, it was all just sympathy. Shadowclaw didn't want a pity party, she wanted her leg back, she wanted her memory back. Her thoughts were cut short by the approach of a she-cat. The newcomer's fur was a blue-gray color, almost silver. She was young, yet she was lithe and her fur was short and somewhat shining, and had a soft textural look to it. And her eyes were blue, yet one moreso than the other. That's what clicked in Shadowclaw's mind - the eyes. She had never met a cat with eyes like this she-cat's. She only knew this young apprentice for being friends with one of her kittens, Cougarkit. Her pawsteps across the ground were soft and gentle, yet quick as she approached. Minnowpaw would grow up to be such a beautiful she-cat... if she didn't get herself crippled, that is. Shadowclaw's jaw tightened. No, don't think that. She's young and intelligent. What happened to you will never happen to her, and you shouldn't wish it on her either! Life may not have been fair to Shadowclaw, but that was no reason to be bitter to the healthy cats. Her eyes softened as Minnowpaw approached and uttered a small greeting. Keeping her manners in check, Shadowclaw nodded her head and spoke softly, "Good morning, Minnowpaw. How are you today?" She asked kindly, struggling to stand up.

[minnowtail]

[atrb=border,0,false][bg=9eb2b4] It twisted her heart pitifully to see the Queen so damaged; she didn't like to pry, but she couldn't help but wonder what had happened to her to begin with. Whatever made her so crippled and broken, it was a tempting mystery to decode... Nonetheless, Minnowpaw knew better than to ask such personal questions, so she kept her jaws firmly shut. What had happened probably bothered Shadowclaw, and like most cats the apprentice could think of that resembled the tabby she-cat, she might be bitter on the topic. Nobody would like to have their legs coiled and mangled; imagining the pain that Shadowclaw must have felt... however it happened, there was no doubt about it. It had to have hurt a lot, and she must have suffered for many moons afterward and perhaps she still endured agony. She shuffled her paws nervously. She had never spoken to Shadowclaw before, and she was bashful. If she was anything like her daughter... then she was a fiery one! I better watch my mouth. Two unique blue eyes narrowed slightly in sympathy as the Warrior struggled to stand up. She wanted to help her but she was afraid to, considering her previous reckoning, Shadowclaw might not take warmly to assisting paws... Good morning, Minnowpaw. How are you today? She felt bad enough as it was, and she didn't want to think about disrespectful queries or reflections; her morning had been a bit tedious. With all the sitting around doing nothing, she couldn't sleep at all. She frowned, blinking. At least Shadowclaw was nice. "I'm sad," her bottom lip pouted, "I'm confined to camp until Silvercreek lets me off. It's my punishment for starting a border scrap." Guilt was freshly lit in her lavender and cerulean moonstones; if only she had been smarter. She shouldn't have been so reckless, and if she'd just listened to Mutefang and Ravenwing then she wouldn't be in this mess, nobody would. Surprisingly, of all things, Minnowpaw just wished everyone would stop fighting and that an abrupt but soothing peace would wash over the forest, destroying the hatred in everyones hearts. How that would be accomplished, she had no idea. Stepping lightly, she moved beside Shadowclaw, and stared quietly into the depths of the rushing brook. It was shallow and fast, but it was very calming. Like life, the water rushed over the stones, avoiding them, moving out of their way... they were obstacles that were better ignored. If the water got in the stones way, it would be trapped... and then it would overflow, and flood, until it broke up over the top of the bundled pebbles. That was messy. In comparison to life, there were many obstacles they could face, but to keep the peace, it was better just to avoid them... She glanced up at the tabby queen, only awareness in her sapphire depths. "You're very pretty." A plain thought, she couldn't help but blurt it out. 496

[shadowclaw]

Shadowclaw recognized the sympathy in Minnowpaw's eyes as she looked at the crippled tabby she-cat. I'm sad, The small she-cat said plainly to Shadowclaw's inquiry. I'm confined to camp until Silvercreek lets me off. It's my punishment for starting a border scrap. The sympathy in her eyes at that moment was replaced with guilt and for a moment, Shadowclaw felt a stab of empathy. She knew what it was like to be confined in camp. Minnowpaw should feel lucky, at least she wasn't stuck here the rest of her life. But Shadowclaw kept her voice calm as she spoke. "Started a border scrap? With who?" The dark tabby she-cat's thoughts then wandered. What of Silvercreek? How was she? How did she like being all high and mighty deputy?

Shadowclaw was only barely aware of the small apprentice moving beside her. She wished she weren't cripple. She would have loved to mentor the lively apprentice. She seemed intelligent beyond her years, and that was something Shadowclaw liked about her. She reminded her so much of herself.

The dark tabby's thoughts were broken as Minnowpaw spoke again. You're very pretty. Shadowclaw smiled. A comment that came out of nowhere, but every little bit helped. She flicked her long tail and nodded her head. "Thank you." She spoke simply, her pale green eyes flicking toward the apprentice warmly.

[minnowtail]

[atrb=border,0,false][bg=9eb2b4] Tired of thinking about what she'd done wrong, her mind wandered off track; then considering how she could do right and redeem herself to WindClan. Could she even? Or was that some impossible desire that she could never accomplish? The silver tabby figured it was beyond one single cat to undertake, and that if they were to end the feud with WindClan, that they had to all do it together. Yeah right... Her pretty eyes dulled. There was no way that her Clanmates would try to make peace with WindClan; they would assume that their enemies would think them weak, and use it to their advantage. Not only that, she hardly believed for one second that all of her Clanmates despised the fighting. Some probably enjoyed it. But who was to say that Minnowpaw disagreed with them? The only reason she dreaded the entire situation was because she was no good for it. She didn't know how to fight, so the only cats this hostility aided were the cats who knew how to deal blows. Maybe if she and Caramelpaw had known how to fight, it wouldn't have felt so wrong. Maybe... never. Started a border scrap? With who? The queen asked curiously, her olive gems seeming to prod the apprentices mind for answers. Hesitantly, her lips pursed tightly. "WindClan." A single name uttered in pure shame. To think them and their willowy frames outmatched RiverClans thick, burly figures... it was a fair insult. RiverClan envied WindClan, and it was so painfully clear. She didn't feel so compelled to talk to Shadowclaw anymore, not when she had working legs, and an able body... while her heart beat and her lungs breathed, she wanted to find some adventure. Perhaps go into the very heart of WindClan to tell them herself how sorry she was. Would she even dare? Her maw twisted slightly, while her eyes flickered to the small stream once more. Did she even need to think about the answer? Didn't she already know? It was programmed right into her... No. She wouldn't, and why wouldn't she? Because she hated WindClan, and she had too much pride. She would never submit herself to an enemy Clan. Never. From her throat she uttered a chirp, her ears swiveled forwards. Glancing at Shadowclaw, she dipped her head. "I'll be back soon." And leaped delicately over the brook, before dashing swiftly into the reeds. Then she was gone. Maybe she wasn't going to apologize, but she was going to let them know something straight: the truth. to: the meadow 433