i'll follow anywhere [PETALTAIL/CLOSED]

[phoenixstorm]

Griffinflight told him what happened at the Gathering. He scarcely believed it. Silvercreek deputy? No. No. That was not so unbelievable. She was an amazing cat and loyal to her Clan... but the problem was she was too loyal. Phoenixstorm closed fiercely colored yellow eyes, trying not to think ill of the she-cat he loved and mothered his kits but he had a mound of things he wished to scream. She had every opportunity to see him! It was so clear Griffinflight was hurt by this too. His son barely spoke, immediately going to the warrior's den after sharing this news. Did she not care? On top of this, during her deputyship she was part of an attack on WindClan. He felt betrayed. What if our son had been there, Silvercreek? Would you have killed him to prove yourself? he shook his head to force the bad thoughts away. She was obviously not the cat he thought she was. Power over family. How foolish did he think he was to carry on this charade. He should have stressed her to join WindClan when it was brought up. No. He wanted to be neutral. He wanted both Clan and love. Well, it wouldn't happen again.

The dark orange tabby opened his eyes and drew in a ragged breath. The Barn. Home of loners and the passing rogue or kittypet. He should have done this moons ago. The life of a warrior was not for him. His parents and siblings killed when he was an apprentice leaving him with no kin other than a son he could never claim. Yes, Griffinflight was much better off without him. He eased into distancing himself - it was difficult - from his son the past moons. It was selfish and hurtful but it needed to be done. Without Silvercreek in his life, if he never met her, he would have ended up a loner. Abandoning WindClan was obvious. Here he could make no difference. He'd just be another nameless cat passing through, hunting mice and rats with a roof over his head. Occasionally he'd talk with the other cats but it'd be mainly alone time. Suited him just fine. No battles, no tension, and why! I bet his insomnia would stop when the stress did. Phoenixstorm would also be able to wander as much as he liked without other cats hissing at him. Sure he'd avoid Clan territory; he was no rogue.

He was a loner. Somewhat.

Not like you can turn in your papers and tell your leader that you had a good run but thanks anyway. Somehow Phoenixstorm doubted Stripestar would be pleased that one of his warriors ran off to pursue the life of a loner. Especially with the tension between RiverClan and WindClan. Stripestar would want all his warriors ready to patrol and fight. Phoenixstorm sighed at the thought of running into any RiverClan warriors. His other son was one, and his daughter would be a young warrior or an apprentice still. He had been lucky so far. When would it run out?

He looked to the sky for an answer. It was not the usual clear weather green-leaf usually was. Today was cloudy. He smelled rain. The clouds even looked fat with it. The land below was dreary and dark, sometimes the sun would peak through lighting up patches of grass or other things. He sat on the dirt and stray straw covered path inside the barn, looking out from the wide door. Rain hadn't come for some time. Plants appeared withered and some even dead. At least the humidity was down. Phoenixstorm's dark fur caught the attention of the sun on hot days. WindClan had little cover. He was forced to hunt and patrol in a daze, a headache in tow. Today was different. Only his unusually thick tail was puffed out from the heat, the rest was relatively cooler.

It gave him time to think in any case.

I came here once with Squirrelflight he recalled his friend in ThunderClan. He wondered how Lightflame was doing, and her kit, Berrykit. Though, he guessed, he wouldn't be Berrykit anymore. An amused purr rippled over his body. How did the time fly? His sons grew up and everything was different. Even his apprentice...his...Daisyfield. The tabby hung his head. Seemed like just yesterday he was teaching her how to fight.

Everybody I know is no longer with me goodness, how depressing.

_____________________________________________

OOC: depressed and trying-to-stay-calm-but-is-pissed phoenixeh is relatively funny
WEATHER: oh the weather outside is cloudy with a chance of rain but the sun is shinning behind them clouds!
TAGGED: petaltail of windclan
STARING: phoenixstorm of windclan -brushes dust off of him-
MUSE: 742 words

[/FONT][/JUSTIFY][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[petaltail♥]

A normal day, that was what she needed. Since her relationship with Zero was gone, Petaltail had been focusing on trying not to give up on life altogether. Not because she left her love, what a stupid reason to stop living. The intensity of the relationship was terrifying, along with the idea that she would betray her Clan like that. Her thoughts flashed to Diasyfield, the she-cat she had been getting closer and closer to, having thought that she finally found someone to put her trust in, even though she didn't tell her about Zero. The lazy afternoons the two she-cats spend together playing and talking to Caramelkit seem nothing but precious to her now. If only time would turn back, Petaltail thought. That request makes up most of her prayers now. She prays for StarClan to give her back what once was hers; the love of a family, the warmth of friendship, and the passion she felt while in love. Or was it infatuation with the world outside of the Clans? This question remains unanswered still.

The orange she-cat crept along the floor of the moors, waiting for the rabbit she was chasing to stop hopping around so she could sneak up behind it and snatch it. Hunting used to be a release, since she found running to be her strong suit over fighting, Petaltail found it fun. But these days, hunting was a tedious chore, leaving her alone to her devastating thoughts. She made sure her paws landed softly, so as not to alert the hare. It stopped to sniff the ground, and the tabby pounced. She was prepared for her claws to dig into hot flesh, blood pouring out of the wound she would have just inflicted upon her prey. Instead, one set of claws swiped through air, and the other got a paw full of grass. Thoroughly confused, Petaltail lifted her head and looked around. The hare was bounding away, not looking back, running for it's life. That's it, isn't it. She thought. The survival instinct. To live. I... don't think I have the courage to die. With a sigh and a fairly comical shrug considering the seriousness of her thoughts, Petaltail walked off in no particular direction, thinking of Zero's smell mixed with the sound of the water rushing, deadly, in the gorge.

When she stopped day dreaming, the she-cat realized she was at the barn. She screwed up her nose, having no wish to be around loners at this time. The gray sky cast a gloomy light on the place, sending a chill through Petaltail's body. Bring her eyes to ground-level, she spotted an orange pelt not too different from her own. Pheonixstorm stood not five fox-lengths away, his face turned so Petaltail couldn't see his expression. Maybe... if I just leave he won't notice me, and we can both be left in peace, without the obligation to start talking. Yes, that sounded like a good plan. She turned to leave, only to fall on her face and let out a muffled cry that sounded something like this "Pffffffguuuhhh." Having tripped over her own paws, the she-cat did not particularly want to look over to see the tom's reaction, if he even noticed her, hopefully not. She recovered herself and took a peek.

NOTES: AH. First post since I quit. Hope you like it!

[phoenixstorm]

He smelled WindClan. Phoenixstorm leaned out from the open door. The breeze was playing tricks on him. He saw no one in sight and the Barn was right outside his Clan's territory. Of course WindClan's scent would occupy most of the time. Especially when the wind blew in this direction. Thinking on this, why would he want to be a loner when "home" was so close? He wasn't really running away. He was too scared to take the final step and move farther than a border. He could see the moors stretch before him. The territory so familiar he fancied he could even pin-point the camp... What would have happened if any of his Clanmates traveled here if he went through with it? They'd see him, question him and maybe force him home. Bah. Like he was important enough for that willpower. Oh, he wasn't greedy and needed recognition among his Clan. He didn't want deputyship like Silvercreek had, nor become a leader one day. His role in life was small. He was fodder. Thrown to the wolves! Needed and relied on when a fight happened, other than that, Phoenixstorm who? Who was that?

He was a coward.

Cowardly for a warrior, cowardly for loner life. I should find a Twoleg to take me in the dark orange tabby thought, frowning. Ah what was the point of mocking kittypets? They did no harm. Let ThunderClan deal with them. Bah, you're still thinking like a warrior! Stop! He shut his eyes tight, trying to forget all the grooming. He knew his son had disliked apprenticeship the same way he had; fighting, hunting and all the rituals you were expected to learn. All in six moons. It was too much for a young cat to handle. That was seasons ago, and Phoenixstorm recalled his apprenticeship for different reasons. He rose a shaky paw to his face, touching the long scar on the left side. Some things just didn't go away.

A yelp - or was it a cry? he wasn't sure - split the atmosphere. Phoenixstorm bolted to all fours. On instinct his fur had bristled to make him appear bigger than WindClan's usual scrawny bodies; now it slowly resided back to resting against his frame. Nothing appeared. No hostile creature, no angry loner or rogue. The tom began to sit back down until he saw a feline shape on the ground - how did he miss that? how?! - a few rabbit hops away. He moved forward to see if the cat was all right, startled when they got to their paws and looked around at him.
"Uh..." the tom backed away. Vivid yellow eyes checked the cat over instead of offering support. No visible cuts across the lighter orange coat. The other cat appeared fine, but he was no medicine cat. Yet... This was a she-cat. After Silvercreek, Phoenixstorm had lost confidence in talking to the other gender. But this one was WindClan and surely it was fine to talk to her? No sneaking around, no lying, no excuses to other cats. Yes, yes. It was fine now. Still, he found himself talking to the ground. "a-are you all right? I heard a cry... and saw you lying there..."

Stupid he chided. Nothing got to her and she obviously fell and doesn't want it brought up. use some tact! This is your Clanmate! So yes, he had to live with this she-cat. Share the warrior's den, go on patrols if Stripestar ordered it. Last thing he desired was angry Clanmates. The tom shot a glance at her. She looked familiar. 'Course all WindClan cats did, fool, but there was something else.

"Petaltail!" he gasped, recalling the name now. He leaned a bit closer in enthusiasm. Of course, how could he forget seeing the two she-cats in camp? "you knew Daisyfield? She was my apprentice" I miss her his heart ached for time lost. The energetic she-cat had been like a daughter. "I-I heard she...passed. Birthing. Are her kits well? What are their names? No one will tell me." the warrior admitted. Death was always sad but he was eager to know of the outcome of his former apprentice's kits. There was a lack of kits in WindClan lately. They couldn't be dead could they? Then she died for nothing. He just didn't believe in StarClan, and if they were real why would they allow a queen to die and her children along with her? That was no great wisdom.

_____________________________________________

OOC: classic fall-and-hope-nobody-notices! hehe!
WEATHER: oh the weather outside is cloudy with a chance of rain but the sun is shinning behind them clouds!
TAGGED: petaltail of windclan
STARING: phoenixstorm of windclan -brushes dust off of him-
MUSE: 750 words

[/FONT][/JUSTIFY][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[petaltail♥]

[/i]"Uh..."[/i] Pheonixstorm backed away, and Petaltail became hot with embarrassment. I knew I was clumsy, but... A flurry of thoughts ran through her head, should she speak up now, laugh it off? Or should she apologize for disrupting him? Was he even disrupted? Was he doing anything? Should she be ashamed? Why couldn't she have passed it off as some intentional dive or something? Foxdung. She bit her tongue as he went on. "A-are you all right? I heard a cry... and saw you lying there..." Petaltil got up, some dirt sticking to her torso in unattractive clumps. She thought she would flash a quick smile and get out of the situation before she could further embarrass herself. But things generally don't go as she would like, as this didn't. "Um, I -" "Petaltail! Her name rang through the air, clear as day, and it shocked her. Uh - uh, yes?" []iHa, how awful. What do I say?[/i]

"You knew Daisyfield? She was my apprentice." The lonely pang sounded in her heart at the mention of her name, Petaltail became aware of the warmth that was missing from her life with Daisyfield. "Yes..." She whisper, too absorbed in scanning her body for some remnant of that warmth. But now, she sort of felt... cold. The gray sky seemed more and more black. "I-I heard she...passed. Birthing. Are her kits well? What are their names? No one will tell me." Ah, yes. Petaltail looked up at Pheonixstorm. Is that all I can say? Yes? Um... I'm sorry, I don't know much about her uh.... kits. She gave a forced chuckle, but it sounded chocked with the effort. "I've banned myself from the nursery, if I enter I'll never leave." She cast a quick glance at the ground, then looked back up and smiled at the orange tom, her eyes full of sadness. Suddenly her legs felt a little weak. Was this wound still fresh? She thought it had been mended just a little bit, by time.

The thought of the nursery sent all the emotions, smells, and sights back to her. Petaltail could almost smell the milk on the faint breeze, feel the drew-covered moss, fresh from a little nook on the moors where WindClan was lucky enough to find it. The she-cat lifted her paw to take a step towards Pheonixstorm, then thought better of her actions and placed it down again, sitting on her hindquarters and sweeping her long tail around her paws. I'm not even brave enough to comfort him. What can I do? Her smile was sickly-sweet, and somewhat forced, but there was something organic about it. Smiles born from sadness always bear some kind of baggage in the curve on the lips.

NOTES: Good? Good, haha. I babbled a little.

[/blockquote]

[phoenixstorm]

Phoenixstorm watched the fellow WindClan cat struggle. It was a struggle he was familiar with. Embarrassment. Flustering. Trying to carelessly toss it away as nothing, waiting on the other cat to say something about it. Seeing it from the other side, he felt uncomfortable. Had he been that
-- vulnerable?
It was the first word that jumped through his mind. He resisted the urge to shake his head. No, no. He had no doubt this cat was nothing but vulnerable. She was a capable WindClan warrior. They all were. She was just...just... Just what? Just what? Spooked by his presence? The heat? Being outside their Clan's boundary? None of that. It was the "lost in thoughts" look. His son had it often these days, and Griffinflight was so mirror-like to his father. But no, Griffinflight was loyal to WindClan and wouldn't have to worry about a she-cat. He sighed. Loyalty. It tore up everything.
Petaltail didn't know what to say as she stammered for words. He drew back even further in steps, a compulsion to assist his Clanmate in cleaning her fur that he shouldn't have. She was quite capable! Inside he felt sick at his pity for the she-cat. Was this what Silvercreek had felt for him? Pity for his awkward behavior, thinking it was endearing and something to toy with.

Phoenixstorm barely heard the panicking stuttered explanation of Daisyfield's kits. He noticed Petaltail try to move forward to comfort him - it was the sort of thing Clan cats do when you grieve - and he would have accepted this. They were grieving together. Daisyfield was her friend, Daisyfield had been his apprentice. But the pale tabby retreated, perhaps embarrassed at her own gesture.

"Stop" he uttered, yellow eyes flashing in brief anger. "stop it, all right? Just stop being so..." pitiful? No, stop reminding me of me He shook his head, forcing out imaginative images of an older Daisyfield wailing in pain and trying to draw in one of the she-cat he knew and cared of like a daughter. The energetic apprentice. Always eager for more training, more knowledge. Eyes glazed, he focused on Petaltail. Really, he didn't know what was stronger; his grief of things lost or his anger built up all these moons. "If you haven't noticed, I'm a big boy" he flashed his own false smile. It felt foreign on his lips. He much preferred the true thing. The falseness... it was sickening. The tom wiped it off his face as quick as he could. "no need to tip-toe around things. We can talk like Clanmates, right?"

The tabby stretched out a paw, this time a true smile on his features. He began tracing a claw in the dirt; just for the sake of it. For the sake of something to do. He ranted on while looking at the ground, trying to share some memories. "I suggested her name, you know. Featherstar could have named her anything, but I wanted my first apprentice to have a name that suited her and her future. Field. Boundless horizons" he uttered a little chuckle. "I don't think she knew I suggested her name. Hey" he glanced up at Petaltail. "I could drag you out the nursery if you want to visit. I-I'd like to visit her kits."

Ever the positive thinker his mind thought what if there are no kits?

_____________________________________________

OOC: I rant too, didn't you notice? x3
WEATHER: oh the weather outside is cloudy with a chance of rain but the sun is shinning behind them clouds!
TAGGED: petaltail of windclan
STARING: phoenixstorm of windclan
MUSE: 564 words

[/FONT][/JUSTIFY][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[petaltail♥]

The tip of Petaltail's tail twitched uncomfortably, it was a little awkward for her/ Talking. Conversing. It was strange, which was why her body felt a little more attuned to everything as her eyes flicked back and forth between Pheonixstorm and the ground. Was it always this difficult to hold a cat's gaze? "Stop." The ginger she-cat flicked her ears, straining them to hear the toms mumbles. "'Excuse me?" "Stop it, all right? Just stop being so..." Petaltail rolled her eyes slightly, she couldn't hear anything aside from the word 'stop' a couple times. Whatever he said, it wasn't mean to be heard. Suddenly, Pheonixstorm fixed his gaze on her, and she felt her face get hot. "If you haven't noticed, I'm a big boy, no need to tip-toe around things. We can talk like Clanmates, right?" She felt a little shoved aside, like old prey bones. It was blunt, and fairly rude. What a dung-eater. Petaltail thought, her face looking cross.

Pheonixstorm suddenly smiled, and Petaltail felt her face grow hot again. What was that for? He just insulted her. "I suggested her name, you know. Featherstar could have named her anything..." He babbled on, but Petaltail wasn't paying too much attention. She watched the rolling hills over his shoulder, staring into space in his general direction. The small tabby took a deep breath, breathing in the crisp, cool air. The sky was still cloudy and grey, but that didn't stop the day from being perfectly fine, even though before she thought it fairly dull and sullen. Maybe it was the rush of emotions that made her more aware ad less absent and depressed. "Hey" His voice brought her back, and Petaltail saw that he was looking at her again, head on. She averted his gaze. "I could drag you out the nursery if you want to visit. I-I'd like to visit her kits."

Feeling a bit defensive, the she-cat replied "You can't go alone? You said it yourself, you're a big boy." Petaltail looked up at Pheonixstorm, defiance in her eyes. She took another deep breath, and got up, sweeping her tail towards the sky. "I'm sorry, it seems like neither of us are in the mood to do this." The ginger she-cat sighed, looking straight at Pheonixstorm.

NOTES: shittyshittyshitty. I just wanted to post before school starts tomorrow.

[phoenixstorm]

He didn't mean to be rude, or sound rude, or... he didn't mean to do anything at all! His words weren't supposed to prickle his Clanmate but they did. He stared back at her cross face, feeling heat burning under his fur. What to do now? He always felt out of place in WindClan; maybe that was why he felt so sure of himself in finding a RiverClan mate. Or maybe he was pathetic in not trying. He hadn't been mad at Petaltail. At that moment she reminded him of him, and it made him angry facing what he used to be - or still was - like. Oh, how could he be so selfish in thinking he was the only one with hard times going on? Phoenixstorm shifted uncomfortably under her stare, finally tearing his vivid yellow eyes away from her green ones. They reminded him of grass just after a heavy rainfall. Perfectly soaked and satisfied with rain. Except she wasn't satisfied, was she? She looked peeved by each passing moment at his words. He did nothing but open his mouth and say the wrong things. It'd been easier talking with other Clan cats. He drew in a shaky breath. Oh, stop yourself his thoughts whirled.

He knew she wasn't paying much attention to his rambling of his former apprentice. Who could blame her? He just wanted to speak, to say anything. Too much had been kept in these days. Secrets around every corner and he was fed up. If he didn't speak of Daisyfield, he would have spilled the beans on Griffinflight and his affair. Daisyfield was an excuse. The tabby felt sick the dead warrior-queen was covering up but that's how it was. He couldn't take back the words.

"You can't go alone? You said it yourself, you're a big boy." he looked up from the ground at this, seeing her eyes blazing with anger. Like any conflict, Phoenixstorm bristled and avoided a fight. Even if it was verbal. But it seemed Petaltail was making him pay for his indirect words. "I'm sorry, it seems like neither of us are in the mood to do this." She stared at him again. He stared back, surprising himself at this unusual bold move. By now he'd turn and walk away. Fast as possible. Instead he sighed as well, even dipping his head to the she-cat.

"I...I apologize" he began, hoping his eyes looked as sincere as he sounded. "I got, I'm not sure... Frustrated, I suppose, that you didn't seem to speak directly to me. It had nothing to do with Daisyfield, even though I'm grieving." he left out the part where her awkwardness was so similar it frightened him. The orange tabby got to his paws and took a step forward, now feeling awkward himself. Perhaps it was time to apologize indirectly to WindClan for past mistakes. But he would not apologize for his kits. He was indeed proud of them. "I meant it when I said I could drag you out of the nursery if you wanted to visit. I at least owe that to my former apprentice and her friend." he allowed a small smile to himself. Daisyfield had been good to Griffinflight when he joined WindClan. They hadn't been good friends, but she was willing to show his son around and at least make the effort to be friendly. Sadly, there was no time to connect. She was soon a warrior and Griffinflight stuck in the apprentices' den. Other duties took her away from making a friendship.

"But you don't want to hear about that..." he added to her previous statement of not wanting to visit. He motioned to her chin instead, pointing up with his own scarred one. "maybe you should wash your jaw. If it got cut, the dirt around here could infect it. Hey, maybe I won't be the only cat in WindClan with a scarred face. One can only hope..." he trailed off, moving away from his Clanmate to stare at the moor. Now he was being silly, passing time or just looking for something to do. The Twolegs kept pretty little controlled rivers and streams with stones altering the flow. Some were round, others a bit like creeks. The animals grazed far away with the creeks, but the round ones were near the barn for easy access. Why? Who knew. Maybe his rogue friend would. Wildfire knew lots of stuff.

_____________________________________________

OOC: late reply is late. how is school, by the way?
WEATHER: oh the weather outside is cloudy with a chance of rain but the sun is shinning behind them clouds!
TAGGED: petaltail of windclan
STARING: phoenixstorm of windclan
MUSE: 742 WORDS; yesss, breaking out of the bad word area!

[/FONT][/JUSTIFY][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[petaltail♥]

Ah, I understand. It took some patience to be around Pheonixstorm as of recently didn't it? As far as Petaltail could remember, she had never paid a terrible amount of attention to Pheonixstorm, he had been a reasonably happy tom; content. But right now, he was awkward, not knowing how to communicate with the she-cat in a way that was... Normal? It reminded Petaltail of herself and how she had been, still is, recovering from her solitude. Self-inflicted as it may have been, it still caused damage to her social skills. And reaction time, which was a strange side effect. The ugly truth was; Petaltail didn't have much patience for this type. It was difficult keeping her temper in check sometimes, like just now. I'll try, though. He's in a similar position, I guess. I shouldn't be hypocritical. Pheonixstorm sighed, and bowed his head in a gesture of apology. Petaltail perked her ears and listened.

"I...I apologize. I got, I'm not sure... Frustrated, I suppose, that you didn't seem to speak directly to me. It had nothing to do with Daisyfield, even though I'm grieving."

He got to his paws and took a single step forward. Oh no, Petaltail groaned, there was no reason to be angry! We are both grieving, that was awful of me. Mouse-dung, we're too similar. It was her turn. The ginger tabby sighed, and took her own step forward, making sure her movement looked confident to some extent. She stared at him as he continued to talk with softer eyes intent on listening now. It was difficult to immediately hold his gaze, so her eyes wandered still, but from time to time they landed on his face.

"I meant it when I said I could drag you out of the nursery if you wanted to visit. I at least owe that to my former apprentice and her friend. But you don't want to hear about that..." Petaltail gaze a little giggle, she didn't know if Pheonixstorm could hear it. As she looked at his face she saw that he was smiling a little though not in her direction, so it wasn't for her. Nevertheless, she appreciated it. The fact that he could still smile that way. Laughing was still difficult for her, but somehow Petaltail managed from time to time. Though smiling felt awkward. It was as if her muscles had gone stiff from not being used.

"Maybe you should wash your jaw. If it got cut, the dirt around here could infect it. Hey, maybe I won't be the only cat in WindClan with a scarred face. One can only hope..." Petaltail thingyed her head to the side, processed, and ignored the part of that comment that sounded like he wanted her to have a scar. She sat down on her hind legs and twitched her tail in his direction. "Um, I can't feel anything. Could you tell me if I have a cut on my chin? Since - since I can't see it."

NOTES: sorry for the late reply, school is sucking all of the life out of me. it's going good, i've been getting research assignments and i have to practice a lot when i get home and we got an essay this week. i've been going to bed at like, nine and ten cause i've been so tired. how about you?