Leopard Paw ~ Riverclan

[nickieakarules]

Leopard Paw of River Clan


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Name: Leopard Paw

Age: 10 moons

Gender: She Cat (female).

Clan: Riverclan.

Rank: Apprentice.


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Reason for name: When Leopard Paw was young, She lived with her two brothers, Spike and Jay, who always said that she looked like a Leopard because of her bright pelt.

Previous Names: When Leopard Paw was alone, her name was Nalla. She never had a home, and was born a stray.



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One Sentence Description: Leopard Paw has a long, slender tail, dark green eyes, and a beautiful gold and black spotted pelt.

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Personality: She is wild and funny. Since she lived most of her life in the wild on her own, she is very good at gathering and survival skills. She is very smart and headstrong. Her body is fairly small and light weight, making it easy to sneak quietly through the trees. She will always stand up for cats she loves.

Likes: Most cats like the fact that she is an excellent hunter. She's great at finding berries having tasted and smelled most of them. People love her hilarious and kind personality too, and her way of standing up for others.

Dislikes: Cats don't like her stubbornness. She can be very bossy, and rarely does what other cats tell her to do, unless she values that cat greatly, or it is her superior. She can overly tease little kits, and not realize it. She has a bit of a sharp, acute, cruel side to her.


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History: When Leopard Paw was young, she was known as, Nalla. Her brothers teased her and called her Ugly Leopard when she was growing up, but she learned to just laugh along with them. Her mother was weak, and not really a great mother. She was always moaning or crying because of her mate's death. Nalla and her brothers always managed to sneak away from her without hardly trying. It was one of those days when things went wrong. Nalla was playing with her two brothers when a bear jumped out of the bushes. Nalla eyed it for a bit, but turned and bolted after its' large roar. She jumped behind a bush and heard three loud yelps of pain. She called her brothers names, but no one replied. She returned home without them, not wanting to look and see if they were dead or alive. Her mother was so upset, she didn't know how to express it. All she did was fall down and cry. Her mother blamed there deaths on Nalla, and it wasn't long after that that her mother abandoned her. Nalla hates bears, and has lived on her own ever since.

IC Example: Leopard paw sniffs the hollow air carefully, her nose twitching like an expert tracker. Smells of bees and butterflies filtered in through her nose but there was one that stood out just barely. She can smell it, but she can't quite place it. She bends froward down to the paw print in the muddy earth, and licks some dew drops out of a small crater. She can almost feel it now. Leopard paw shoots her head up and stands tall and silent. A long, loud, whistle wafts out of the trees. Leopard Paw figures it's a bird, and remains silent. She decides to follow the tracks and wind her way to the animal's location. The tracks are getting fresher and fresher, and she knows she's onto something. They wind around a bush into an unknown area she can't see. She hears small chirps and squeaks. Leopard Paw readies herself to pounce over the bush and take down the ferocious beast that lies ahead. Leopard Paw jumps over the ridge and shouts "You're all mine!". She roars with vigor and closes her eyes tight, ready to land on her prey. With a loud "Thud!", She lands, but in a pile of mud. Leopard paw moans and wipes some mud off her face before tilting it upward, and opening her eyes. "Where, where are you?" She asks, almost certain there won't be a reply. Out from the bushes jumps a small squirrel. It chirps once and bounds up a tree before she can snatch it. Leopard Paw mews. "So much for that."

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My name is Nicole and I love to write! I do lots of art and musical projects. Guitar is my favorite instrument that I play. I think the Warriors books are awesome! :)

My sister found you by searching the web for warrior links. She told me about it, and I thought that it sounded pretty awesome. I love this website!

Other Characters: I had another character, but I got too caught up in school, and had no time to play it. So it got deleted.



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Attachments:

[brittlebreeze ♠]

Hey there Nicole! You look like you're new to WS and some things, so I'll fill you in. (;

You did good on the biography sections but there are a few problems. (Nothing overly serious)

When you make your biography, it's essential that you don't delete any of the coding the form comes with. You edit the text and fill in the answers and areas with what they ask for, and that is all. We do require every original field, also. You did the history and personality, which is good, but you're missing the descriptive section of the appearance and that is bad.

And then some tips:

Make sure not to separate names of the Clanmates or Clans themselves. Leopardpaw would look like that and RiverClan would look like that. We don't capitalize the suffix on the names, but we always should capitalize the C on Clan on the suffix of the Clan names.

Apprentices are only apprentices until they become Warriors, and that is from 6 Moons (6 Months) to 12, unless they were injured or have not yet completed their training. 10 Moons would be a considerably older apprentice who has finished most of their training. All in all, it isn't very old. She is still a kitten.

You say that Leopardpaw was named Leopardpaw because she resembles a leopard with her bright, spotted pelt. Before she joined RiverClan, she was a stray named Nalla. We usually identify strays as Loners, and if they are hostile, then we call them Rogues. Cats who belong to Twolegs (people) are referred to as Kittypets. Basically House cats.

Lets move onto the content. (:

Your personality of her was somewhat short, but we have a system we use to help us lengthen and go deeper into our character's way of thinking and mindset.

We go by categories. Clan-wise, Battle, Personally, Family, Love and Friends and then anything extra that doesn't fit under those categories. You can browse through the Clan Members board and examine some of the other biographies that have already been accepted, it has helped others before. Just pointing that out.

Another thing, the likes and dislikes are just a quick overview of what your character likes and does not. Instead of putting down what others think of her, put down what she thinks herself. Some people use things like this: Likes: Hunting, swimming, kits, etc. and Dislikes: Other Clans, fighting, undergrowth, etc. You can be more specific and unique, depending on your character. Those were just examples.

Your history gets rocky. If Leopardpaw is only a kitten still, after joining RiverClan, these events would not have taken place too long ago. They would still be considerably recent.

Leopardpaw, formerly known as Nalla, lived with her family of two brothers and her mother. They would be considered loners, mostly traveling cats who have no distinct home. Since the Warriors world takes place in England, it would be more likely if that bear was a badger, a creature which is equally feared by cats due to its viciousness.

After the animal killed her brothers, their deaths were blamed on her (probably because her mother was very hurt and grieving over her lost kits), and she was abandoned. This could be where you be more direct; being alone, she was found by a RiverClan patrol? If you say she is a RiverClan apprentice, she had to have joined them at some point. You should add more about this. The current RiverClan Leader is Smokestar, but the one before him was Swishstar. If you include anything about RiverClans leader taking Leopardpaw/Nalla in, refer to them as Swishstar, who was a she-cat.

If you have any questions, PM me. I will answer any that you have. (: